Storm's Property

starting over new.

2005-04-21T12:51:40Z

peace love and understanding

2005-04-12T00:21:09Z

whoooooooo good day. i went to drivers ed, much fun. much much. i sat with steve dale and mike e. oh and some kid names keith who i dont no but have seen around. hes cool i worked con himgo on our little test thingie. ooh and i saw paul hunt for hte first time since 8th grade and am dissapointed to say he looks exactly the same. i kinda was coudnting oon him having somehting...i dont no a bit differnt. id ont no why. and yeah we went to pineneedles and watched some nsaty and boring movies. good fun. ive figured out some stuff, made me more happy with who i am and more positive about the future, i can do it. i can get through anything. and i will. woo allrighty. gunna go now.

ilovestorm

darkapologies @ 2005-04-11T16:48:00

2005-04-11T20:48:54Z

oh my god.
i can zip my little black sweatshirt up again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry, every stage of this is just so exciting. and today i did fucking aweesome. i brough a yogurt instead of a bagle oor pizza, i didnt eat when i got home i didnt eat bre4akfast and im not gunna eat too much for dinner and YAH ill be perfect jsut in time for summer. this kicks so much ass. oh and i have the 3rd highest grade ins cience and second in health.

YAH BITCH.

oh and im not jealous anymore. im gaining control i can talk myself out of it and remind myself that even though someone might like him..even though this whore probly doenst, doesnt mean he likes her. though its happend before. yikes. sorry wrong way. i MEANT. HE LOVES ME. so i have noshing to worry about. im going to drivers ed jessica isnt so hopefully dales there before i am so i can just sit with him. woooooooooooo okay bye.

go die.

2005-04-11T20:33:35Z

please.

not that it would even matter, cause the second you were gone another fucking one would fucking interfere and make me feel like shit just like you do. so many times, i shoudl be immune to it by now. but why am i not? because im an over jealous, fucking psycho bitch.

just go die, stop making me so cold.

darkapologies @ 2005-04-10T15:35:00

2005-04-10T19:35:20Z

my dogs first real day of spring. heres a list of the things he consumed during hte first half hour.

-puddle water
-deer poop
-lots of dirt
-his own poop
-3 girl scout cookies.

were seriosuly wondering if hes goign to live to see summer instead of worriing about him surviving summer.

which new shoes.

2005-04-10T19:22:47Z

either

or

i wanted these

but they dont have my size. i decided that for the summer i want some differnt shoes. like something a little weirder. meh..i really like the freaking purple ones. damnit. but yeah. and some sandals too. ooh ooh.

i acually want to write in here for some reason.

2005-04-10T16:31:33Z

noramlly i dont want to, its al depressing caus ei neve rhave naything happy to write about. i dont really perticularly right now, so im sorry if this isnt what you want to read. its not really that bad. my body is like still deciding what kind of a day im going to have. i started out awwesome cause i got woken up by storm who called me when he woke up. of course that will make my day, but things change.i hate the computer. it puts me in such a bad mood. i hate myspace. i hate it so much. it ruins my day any day everyday. i really really wish it would die. god..i hate it. so i was put back in a bad mood, i dont no where im going from here cuase i feel i have the potential to be revived after this morning, but i dont really feel i have much control oer it. im kinda just waiting for it to happen. though i no it wont happen from me sitting here. so i guess ill just leave.

ilovestorm

darkapologies @ 2005-04-05T20:27:00

2005-04-06T00:27:46Z

well today blew. i was really fine then..like i was so happy not much coudl depress me. even storm saying the things he did to me and being mad at me for tsomething i perceived as insane. SO glad that didnt ahppen like last week. i would have shot myself. that woul dhave been it. but GAH. i miss hillary. i dont talk to her anymore cause shes not online. shit i have to do my english project. fucker. tomorrow. thats funny. i already ahve plans tomorrow. Fook. <--pronounced the way its spelled. cook -c +f.

spring is making me miss marilyn manson. funny i opend my window today, felt the niceness and HAD to listent o antichrist superstar. from there i added mechanical animals and holywood and wow i miss it. tis pretty cool for a change. ive been listening to WAY to much music that could and is interpretted as love songs and its SO DEPRESSING cause NONE of them are happy ones. there all about love lost grieveing fighting god it does not help my moods. its nice to hear a little irrelevant "FUCK OFF YOUR PROTESTS AND PUT EM TO BED" yay-yah. no way i can turnt hat into something depressing. it makes me happy inside. :)

SPRING!!!

2005-04-05T21:05:21Z

its is so spring, oh man it feels so nice. i LOVE it. i am so....happy. so awesomely happy. its ironic thoguh, second time in a row im going to the doctors and feel awesome, when i really REALLY REALLY could have used a trip there last tuseday..*sighs* oh well.

i heart the springtime.

darkapologies @ 2005-04-03T19:56:00

2005-04-03T23:56:52Z

CONFIDENCE BOOST

im totally going to do it.

YAY-YAH.

oh and this is in writing, so if i chicken out, i can shoot myself.

YAY-YAH².

eeeh.

2005-04-03T22:03:10Z

not feeling too good.

GAR

2005-04-02T23:28:49Z

i wanna put aenema on the wall for that poetry project. i really really really really wanna. thats the one i want. but gah. she said last year she got in trouble for having someone's say fuck. fuck. aenema says fuck. many many times. grr...

back up plan.

i dont have one yet.

but its okay. i have lots of time. and i heart this project.

hmm. back up plan.
maybe i wont go with tool.

......just kidding.

im sore already.

2005-04-01T01:46:24Z

im not going to complain again about the mile. i am very proud of myself. i did my best (serisouly. i couldnt have ran anyfaster and i didnt walk at all) and so yeah. ive never ran the whole entire mile. after the need to puke settled down and my throat stopped hurting, it felt really good. even though i was 5 seconds away from passing. *sighs* and im sore already. and we have no bananas!! but today was a good day. school awas okay, i did shitty on capt but i sersouly dont thin theres any way i can fail. like im not worried at all. they arent a stressful test at all. i try not to let the godamn schools need to look good in the paper mess wiht me, and its not like you can prepare at all. what you no is what you no. thats it. its just SUCH A DRAg. i mean mus tthey seriously make us do expository writing three times?!? i odnt htink so. but whatever. i love lunhc. its so awesome. the first day i sat with marcus bridget and thats all i remeber. but it was so fun.i needed that so badly. then today i sat with steve and bridget and ashley and some other people an di was so happy to feel ocmepltly comfortable talking and fooling around and acting myself for once at lucnh. it was so nice. tomorrow normal schedual. yey-yah. i think thats a good thing..i dotn really no. *shrugs* i hate spanish.i hate the morning. i hate health...ugh...but ther than that my days kcik ass. and me and storm, totally sweet. as far as i no. yey-yah²!! feleing independant..talked to tons of peopel today even though illarys in florida....i wish id called her yesterday..i was so close..but i dont no. im not good at that kind of thing. but i gotta do it eventually. lol. its like im getting the courage to call som guy i have a crush on. hah aits not that. im so pathetic. woo..guess i should go take as hower or something. i feel lazy. but im not i cooked dinner today..its was pretty good. completly from scratch. ooh lala. kay leaving now.
ilovestorm.

time consuming, hooray!

2005-03-29T20:05:58Z

i took this from matt cause his made me laugh.

Put your winamp on random and for the first 10 songs played put in my pants at the end of it.

1-HIM-buried alive by love in my pants
2-APC-blue in my pants
3-entwine-enjoy the silence in my pants
4-stabbing westward-waking up beside you in my pants
5-APC-gravity in my pants
6-Deadsy-tom sawyer in my pants
7-deftones-around the fur in my pants. <------best ever.
8-APC-the hollow in my pants
9-HIM-join me in death in my pants
10-stabbing westward-sometimes it hurts.......IN MY PANTS!

<3

so cold.

2005-03-27T04:34:07Z

god. i suck at life.

i hate girls.

2005-03-26T23:25:42Z

all of them. except.....bridget and hillary. and jessica.

THE REST CAN ALL DIE. PLEASE?!?!?! just LEAVE ME AND MY PROPERTY ALONE.

i am the hugest bitch. but oh man. if it were up to me.....oh man.

god.

2005-03-26T22:18:28Z

i need to do something. i sit here..one second im totally oh my god so happy everything kicks ass..then 2 seconds later im pissed at everyone. EVERYONE. some more than others. god. im mad at myself. for being this way. it BLOWS. im CONFUSING THE HELL OUT MYSELF. i dont trust my feeligns anymroe. its not worth it to take them seriosuly anymore. its GAY.

i hate it.

i also hate how much memory i DONT HAVE. i have nothing. its incredibly frustrating. its like im looking back at all things like more than 12 hours ago as if iwere drunk and have little bits and peicces but the whole picutre doesnt fit together caus eim missing so much. its terrible.

GAY²

so bored.

so fucking bored.

and trapped.

i feel trapped when i get the bored.

this is how you hold your american flag. dun dun dun dun dun.

ARGH IM GOING TO DIE.

......maybe.

*cries*

*laughs*

*cries*

*dies*

*comes back*

*cries*

*eats a cookie*

*feels better*

*CRIES*

yo necesito stability.

forfeit.

2005-03-20T22:00:50Z

happy almost birthday to me. and such a happy one it is. well it is...im just kinda negative right now. not overly bad..just..ehh...

i have had a good couple of days. yesterday bridgy came over and that was awesome, storm called..that was pretty cool, jsut the fact that i didnt call him.. not the acuall talk. uhm yup...today i went to my sisters meet again. it was awesome again. i am so beyond jealous. id be that right now if it werent for my fucking back. or if i hadnt gone to the doctor so early..and they hadnt found out what i had..making insurance gpo up times a million and them make me wuit gymnastics..damn insurance company. they coudl have ruined my future. given that wa the only semi succesful thing ive ever been involved in. grr!! i wanna be able to do that so bad. i am now listeing to all my nbew cds thinking baout driving and how much my house smells like poo. likere ally it smells like poop. the whole first floor. its gross. i think its the crock pot. it has been known to produce some grey-ish odors. though weve made this meal before i no last time i didnt smell anything. everyone elts did..but i didnt.

i have the hiccups.

i really like chevelle. well a couple songs are awesome. and a couple arent. but yeah its the only new cd ive really absorbed yet. ive listend to them all...cept finger eleven and seether...but yeah i havent acually heard them all yet. no one would understand how i coudl say that and be sersiously, soi dont no why i even said it. i am wasting my tiiiiiiimmmmmeee..........

mkay.

darkapologies @ 2005-03-18T19:44:00

2005-03-19T00:44:38Z

i have lost 5 pounds in the last 4 days. my second tightest pair of pants are now not tight. i shoudl go try on the others. just for fun. kinda sucks. cuase i went out to buy those so id have at least one pair of sexy pants cause i am now swimming in my old ones, but yeah. its not like it matters anyways. though thats not completly true. i think it more didnt matter before, when i didnt have to impres anyone. not that i do now...aw man it was wuite cute. last night, at the open mic nite pine needles, that guy my dad befriended, first mym om came over, she was like, well that guys pretty cute, huh? i just laughed..it was cute. then my dad up while he was playing was like, so what do you thin kof him? i thought my mom set him up but apparently she didnt. it was cute. he was weird though. he wreked of "pot head". not necesarrily his smell....just his personality. my dad said if he doesnt smoke pot, he should..casue it fits his persoality. he reminded me or joe. not that joe looks like a pot head, lol i think it was just that was wearing a jean jacket. :) lol. were going back to see him next week. my dad talked to someone about him today and they said he is a regualr and his parents sometimes come and his sister sometimes sings with him. so yeah it was pretty cool. but i was in no way shape or form in the position to be "looking". *sighs* im pretty good toda though. given how mcuh i fucked things up, im pretty good. joe=my new best frined. he told me today after i finally spilled my guts to him that if you love something let it go, if it was meant to be ill come back. i really really wish hed told me that sooner. cuase i just...really fucked things up today. not on purpose....at all. like i didnt want that to happen..i just needed to no if we were close yet. and i am glad i did, cuase he told me that he hasnt even really gotten his break yet. it would have been kind of him to tell me that a litl earlier so id idnt just waist all that pain and have it not evne fucking count. but im feeling really independant today. like i have a bunch of people to turn to it seems. hillary is great, so much like me its awesome, she seems to be the perfect friend. bridget and steve are awesome too. i talked to steve a bit today, nothing big, it just felt really good. i acually talked to alot of people today. i guess thats why im feelign independant. i feel like when im feelign shitty i acually have other people to turn to. he really needs to leave, take his break, and come back later if he hasnt found anyone elts. wow how stupid. i no ill pay for this later, but i have no choice. if we are to work this out, he has to be happy. caus when hes unhappy or not talking to me or hidign everything form me, i am even more unhappy than if we were alone. not true. yeah total lie. but ill bever be able to go from the openest most awesome relationship of a lifetime, that was perfectly fucking fine 5 days ago, to one where he gets mad down and depressed everytime he lays eyes on me. no fucing way. and those girls. he...gah. it sickens me. beyond belief. if he leaves me for one of them..oh my god.

brignoles are here! to keep my mind off things! and i played like 8 rounds of solitare against joe..and a bunch of round sof poker too. it was great i had alot of fun. but hes not gunna be here this weekend..i was really counting on him..and bridgy cant come anymore..gah...was gunna be great...

no positive!! trooper.....eh.......*sighs* i love him to death.

positive-ness!!!

2005-03-15T22:32:28Z

today is turning out well.

i found my shoes!! i lef them at the gym afterwards. which is mighty friggen good becasue my black ones are too small and rather smelly. :)

and!

i made a new friend today!
im excited.

everything is so completly going to be okay.
*sigh of relief*

and update on our theraputic testing period.

2005-03-15T21:41:56Z

allright my mood this morning was pretty negative. storm tried to tell me to be positive. so in my negative nature, i decided that the only positive things out of this are
1-i could now make a myspace. (not worth it)
2-i may not be late for class anymore...(not worth it²)

and being even more negative i managed to turn my positives into negatives anyways sayign that what the fuck am i supposed to pu tin it anyways? about memy life=storm, my life is on break right now, so my world has been put on hold. i dont enjoy any natural hobbies, i have no favorite anything, i am nothing without him. no fucking way. myspace has been tranformend into another negative, and leaving storm without our long goodbye that normally makes me late, made me cry. hmm...cry.....or be a little late. cry...be late.......i choose be late. but its not up to me.

no. i agreed. it is up to me. i agree. i trust him. ill see it soon. everything will be okya. he told me so.

so anyways, despite the good mood im in right now, today was obviously quite shitty. i was fine when i woke up, last night just felt like a bad dream. i acually wnated to go to school, i dont no why. untill like 10 mintues beofre i got to the shcool. i had a big ol panic attack. i realized when i have them. its when i cant get my mind off something. i freak out and run in circles trying to get my mind off of it making me need to puke. i always thought it was my fear of puking becuase i never had them about antying other than puking. id tell myself iw as sick and coudlnt get mysel to thin kabout anything elts untilli was spun so fast and so worked up id acually puke. today it was i couldnt think of anythign but stomr. i coudlnt stop crying and in my desperate plea for something other than him to thin kabout i freaked out and almost puked. then somehow i got it back together only to obviously lose it once in school and everything..i cried alot today, but thats a given. i really did try. i was totally shitty all day until 6th and 7th period. its funny cause im going through just about the worst thing that coudl ever happen to me besides him leaving me, and i still got so happy once in science. i was acually happier in science than i was in math. like it is apparently impossible for me to feel shitty when im in those classes. i have no clue what it is. i guess its the people, but idk the only person i talked to in 6ht period was marcus, and in 7th joe and steve and carl. i really do think its osmehting elts. i dont no. no clue. but it was weird. awesoem though cause that means im doing pretty good now. like if i were to have had a shitty last 2 periods my day would be ruined. and im not too scared aout going to my lady tonight, cause i honestly told jessica today with out crying at all. i mean obviosuly thats a little difernt than telling a psycologist whose going to need every detail of every painful moment last night..but still. i coudlnt even consider teliing bridget today....5th period...without crying. so yeah. im a fucking trooper. and ill do whatever it takes to save us. even though i dont first hand see how it will help, im not all that scared of the harm it could do anymore. i trust him. he will come back to me. hopefully he wont hate my controllingness anymore than he already does, which is a possiblity, but well deal with that then. for now, i have my birthday to look forewerd to..*whoopie* uh...neermind. im not looking forewrd to it. *sighs* whatever. its just one brithday out of my entire life. 21 is more signifigant thant 16 anyways......

me and bridget and jessica will get together this weekend. if its the last thing i do. i ned them rite now. yup kristina is in a time of desperate need. so yes. party at my house.

heh..just kidding.

small friendly get-together, por favor.

okay. life is good. ooh and i have a theme song to my trooper attitude. wnana hear?

A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality,
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right here.

(I'm gonna wait it out)

If there were no rewards to reap,
loving embrace to see me through,
this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I'm gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal,
The damaged and broken met along,
this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

-And I still may. And I still may.-

(Be patieeent.)

I must keep reminding myself of this...

self explainitory, its just all..for me..saying its worth it. i must keep reminding myself of this, and especially..If there were no rewards to reap, loving embrace to see me through,
this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. not exaclty and i still may. cause obviously i most certainly will not. i will not give up. there is way way too much at stake, and my life would be ruined. he is my life. so obviosuly. i am lost without him.

*is lost*

i have a hunger that will never be filled.

2005-03-15T00:48:36Z

i really believe that now. i am onto my most obbsessive period ever right now. and it always fucking comes when he is on his most distnat fucking period ever!! ALWAYS! why coudlnt it have been this bad when he was fucking holding me asking me plese dont leave him and im all he needs and he doensta care about anything elts??! or why coudnt that stage for him ahve lasted longer. and i cant get it back cause i acant make him do that, i cant even talk about it cause just like last time, he doenst see it. and of course. during this time, i have to prepare for the worst time of my life, my birthday. when he has his first track meeting, then goes to work. track. oh god. why. i am so pathetic. i cant talk to him. and he doesnt even care!! i tried so hard to have wqhat felt like the last talk ill ever have with him today, but he didnt care. he has too many problems. and yes i understand. i know i have to deal with it. but i have problems too. all he has to do to make mine better though is hold me. thats all i need. i need something to show he cares. he still gets mad at me for "trying to leave wiht out saying i love you" but yet i dont even think he cares. i dont no why he did that. its not like hed even notice i was there. and he never says i love you anymore. i no when we say goodbye, but thats given. it almost isnt real now. it has like lost meaning on the scheme of things. if theres no random i just wanted to tell you i love yous, then im scared. i do it all the time it jsut doenst feellike he cares anymroe. i cant keep up with him!! one new fuckign friend and he doenst need me. luckilly chelsea actually made him realize "what she wasnt and what i was" but these girls...and guys..i cant even compete. with how awesome he tells me they are..how fukcing perfec the 2 girls i saw looked, how much fun he has had with them...who wouldnt pick them over speandign a day at my house with me holding onto them crying over nothing for hours on end. how am i supposed to compete? and how am i supposed to go to my psycologist tomorrow and try to get help when i cant even type this without sobbing. god. im dreading it so much. also casue i no it wont do shit.i need help.i need a friend. so badly. when im lost and have to resort to calling him and bringing him down..or leaving clues for him that he ignores making me feel like he hates my annoyingness and cant deal wiht my shit anymore..i need someone i can call. i was having conversations in my head alst time about calling random people i wish i was friends with. but i could only pretend casue only in my head would they not be freaked out. i need help. im so lost. and so helpless. so deptendant so pathetic. i am so sorry storm. i dont no what to do wiht myslef let alone what yo are supposed to do wiht me. i just want to cry wiht you. i just need to tlak to you i need you to tell me everythig iwll be okay, but you cant. you cant tell me everything will be okay casue it wont. and plus. you have better things to do wiht your time than to listen to my problems and deal wiht my shit ontop of all of yours. im just so sorry i want to tlak to you so bad. i cant even imagine how annoying it must be to wonder whther you shoudl keep ignoring me, and keep your happiness or give in and ask me whats wrong and get pissed at me. i honestly dont no what i expect you to do. im just no used to hiding my feelings from you. i hate it. i hate it with all the heart and soul i ahve left. and i hate what im doing to you. i hate everything.

darkapologies @ 2005-03-14T11:36:00

2005-03-14T16:33:13Z

Ifeel like I cant do antyhign right. I don’t know what I esxpect from him. I want him to ask whats wrong, because when he doesn’t I feel so negelected like he doenst care. But hten when he does I wish hed just forget about me csu ei don’t want to trouble him. Expecially today when I find out that he “doesn’t want to involve me” when hes feeling down. Just fucking great. How am I supposed to come to him anymore, when I no that im just being slefsish compared to his ricious act of not calling me last night so as not to bring me down. When really I had a worse night becasu ehe didn’t. I thought I could come to him! I hate how we are right now. We need to talk. Not in school, not on the phone, I need to tlak to him for real. But its looking bad. Track starts on my birthday. Hell have school, work guitar lessons band practice and track, and leaving zero time for me. Accually negative. He’’ already have no time for tons of other things not even putting me in the picture. I cant complain, I no I don’t belong above sports and work, of course not. But things are hard enough for me. Im being selfish. But hwy my birthday? I cannot complian. Welli can in here, only caus ei no he doenst read this anymore. I just..im scared. I feel so distnat from him. Well never be anble to tlak about this. Well never have time. To sort anything o0ut. Let alone make our relationship work. Im being so selfish! All my problems come form that. I expect too much of him.i cant expect to come to him all the time anyways. He has a life too why should I bring him down. Im just not used to pushing my feelings down. Im not very good at acting happy when im not. It sjust that ive never had to. Normally whne I feel down, I could come to storm. No one elts cared enough to ask so I didn’t worry about them. But now that he cant come to me, I cant come to him. This is bad. So fucking unbelieveably bad. I am lost. And fucking scared out of my mind.

darkapologies @ 2005-03-12T20:42:00

2005-03-13T01:42:57Z

wow! i went to my sisters competiton, holy shit i loved it. for one, it was at yale university, and yale=a fucking castle. it was gorgious. and that was just the atletic building. holy shit. i was dying inside cause i forgot my camera. holy god. i told myself in my head id take a trip there someday..just to look. *hopes* oh man but even the cometiton, i though it would blow and id be bored out of my mind and go through like 4 sets of batteries in my cd player...especially considering i went in such a shitty mood, but i loved it. iw as totally into it, i was so jealous. if she ever tries to quit i swear to god..ill wring her neck. god which makes me no that i will be a terrible parent..one of those ones who forces there kids to do all the things they couldnt as a child and try to live there dreams though there kids. cause thats what i was doing with tara. i was SO into it. i cried when she won 3 medals. i coudlnt even talk to her caus ei would noticably cry, but i was like fighting tears the whole time. thatwas of course because today is an emotional period day.....but still. i was like so proud..jsut to be her sister..and so jealous tha ti wasnt good at something. god. oh yeah and this one judge..oh man she gave her her worst score..a 7.7 in floor when last meet she got second place with a 9.3 and she did a damn good job this time too. grr. she totally would have had first overall if she had gotten the score she deserved..but i am not a judge. of course theres a chance she did something technical that i wouldnt no about..but grr. a 9.3!! woo..so anyways. my mom thinks im an over competative freak casue i was constantly competing thorugh her the whole time and probly fears my turn to put my kids in sports..im totally going to be one of those livid mothers fighting with the coach on the sidelines cause of an unfair play. lol. i can see it now.

but eyah. it was very fun. i loved it.

my birthday.

2005-03-12T00:19:02Z

i have come to the conclusion that even though i wasnt satified with the camera i hhad chosen given my begetary limits...i not have to limit myself even more. i cant get the one i want for as cheap as my dad will pay for it. soo..its back to the drawingboard. i am so sick of reading reveiws and comparing cameras. there is no such thing as the perfect camera and every one has its flaws. but those flaws tend to piss me off. and seeing the cameras i could get getting piss me off even more. i dont no what im going to do. i dont no what i want. i dont no what i want to do either. which is another problem. my mom keeps asking me if iw ant a party or anything..i kinda feel like i should be celebrating a little more. but who am i supposed to invite. in order to have a good party you need to have your guests happy and a party at my house including maybe 5 people will not keep anyone entertained. parties are to stressful too. i could never deal witht hat shit.i dont wnana be stressing about my birthday. im already stresed enough about my godamn present. *sighs* my birthday is on a monday. a fucking monday!!! a BIOLAB MONDAY. onethat storm will probly be working...and my mom said well you can celebrate it on the weekend. id love to..but its not the same. i cant see anyone takeing me seriosuly when i tell them, "shut up its my birthday" just kidding..but thats kinda what i was pictureing in my head. i woudlnt even be able to convince mylself. though, i was also thinking, it could be like a practice birthday, so if anythign goes wrong we can jsut say, eh..its not really your birthday, well try again on monday. which is a good and bad thing. thats the reason i think it would go wrong. cause i myself and no one elts would really care enough to make it a good day. not liek it will even be any more special of a day. i dont have anything to do..maybe me and storm can go to breakfast. OH YEA! we cant. i forgot about the whole monday thing for a second there. gagh.. i realy did think that maybe i should plan some thing..like some sort of specail thing that will make this, my 16th birthday stick out in my memory, but i can think of anything.

i cant concentrate. my fucking brother and his fucking friend are down here..i only get to go on when hes eating. he seems to be done. he makes me turn my music down, so he can yell and argue over my music. god!!! i am angry.